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Steering Away from People with Grudges
Everyone at one point in their life time must has encountered someone with grudges against them. As sweet and courteous as I am, I too have run into some people who outright have issues with me. I never wrong some of them to begin with, yet they would spread rumors behind my back or poison others to gang up against me. The most degrading ones are those who slander me at other forums by spreading false rumors about me. It's sad but I see this as part of being human. It's a people skill that everyone have to experience and learn from it.
I have noticed those who tend to hold grudges against others tend to have one or more of these characteristics:
1) Arrogance
2) Impatience
3) Boredom with Life
I find those who tend to hold grudges against others are often quite arrogant. They think of themselves as innocent victims and blame others for their problems even if the persons were not direct participants of their misfortunes. Like a broken tape recorder, they constantly replay the abuser-victim in their heads until they mentally program themselves to believe that they are the victims when in fact it is totally vice-versa. They never bother to stop and consider the other party's perspectives because they think they are so self-righteous. If anyone were to attempt to talk them into re-considering the bigger picture, they would senselessly lash out and perhaps even sever their friendships. Afterward they will then accuse the poor soul, whom they had the original issue with, for the atrocities of friendship fallout. It's a never ending vicious cycle which keeps snowballing as they involve more innocent friends who try to mediate the tension between the two lock-headed parties.
Another type of person is one who is very impatient with themselves and others. They are often quick in their thinking and fast at getting their job done in lightning speed. So those who cannot keep up their pace would annoy the heck out of them. Consequently, even the pettiest mistake is enough to irritate them. If they do not learn to control their anger, they may escalate to physical violence or verbal abuses. Fortunately, I find that these type of people do not hold their grudges very long. Their hot steam evaporates almost as quickly as they first exploded. Once they have vented out their emotional expressions, they move on and forget about the entire incident unless the same history repeats itself. But those who witnessed or experienced their abuses may feel deeply traumatized by the person's unjustifiable overreaction. Subsequent apologies may not necessarily mend the already damaged relationship.
The most difficult people to deal with are those who live in a life of boredom. They feel so unfulfilled and emptied with their own lives that they have to cling on others to constantly satisfy their emotional and physical needs. Having nothing better to occupy their minds with, they have all the time in the world to play mind-games with their circle of friends. They have this illogical thinking that if you are my friend, you must always accommodate me even if I were to wrong you. Outwardly, they pretend to uphold this moral or ethical concept of friendship by constantly relating to others how they would never do harmful things to their friends. Yet inwardly, these are the very traitors who would sneak behind their best friends' back and stab them to death with the sharpest and longest knife. Yet, in the end, they manage to get away with murder by making up false rumors and gossips as cover-up of their actions. These are the most sneakiest snakes to deal with because they are good at disguising their faces with joker masks. You won't realize they have deep seeded grudges against you until the day you die in their hands.
It's terrible for anyone to hold grudges against another being. Just think for a second how much effort it takes for you to build a relationship based on trust and respect with another soul. To throw away that nurturing relationship you originally possess and trade it off with personal grudges is sad. I think it's really a lost for both parties involved. These people need to learn to develop their compassion for others' perspectives. Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand from their side of story before you make a quick bias decision about them.
For those who are victims of these people who are driving you nuts because of their grudges, here are my advices:
1) Avoid them.
2) Avoid them.
3) Still avoid them.
There really is little you can do to change them if they are stubborn in their mental thinking. If they have judge you as the source of their hate and anger, you can keep trying to talk to them with reasons until the cows go home. Nothing will change their negative attitudes toward you. You will only make yourself more frustrated and become more suspicious of what they are thinking of you. What a waste of your time to try to even think about what is going on in their heads. You already know they are behaving unreasonable. So don't bother figuring out their thought process. Make good use of your mental energies and time by doing something different. Life is so beautiful. Do not let these jerks ruin your healthy and beautiful life.
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